this breakup changed my life.

Mai Pham
1 Apr 202445:07

Summary

TLDRIn this heartfelt video, the creator opens up about their personal journey of self-discovery and growth over the past months. They delve into their experiences with social media, the pressure of public perception, and the pivotal moments that led to significant changes in their life, including a move to New York. The video is an authentic exploration of introspection, vulnerability, and the importance of staying true to oneself amidst external influences.

Takeaways

  • 💭 The importance of taking a step back from social media and external validation to focus on personal growth and self-discovery.
  • 🌟 Recognizing the impact of personal experiences and heartbreaks on shaping one's identity and content creation.
  • 📚 The transformative power of journaling and writing down thoughts to gain clarity and self-understanding.
  • 🚫 The dangers of being overly influenced by external factors such as social media trends and the opinions of others.
  • 🔄 The cyclical nature of seeking external validation and the need to address internal issues rather than running away from them.
  • 🌱 The process of self-reflection leading to a more authentic and fulfilling life, including finding joy in simple pleasures.
  • 🏡 The significance of curating a personal space that reflects one's true preferences rather than societal trends.
  • 💪 The role of discipline and self-care in personal development, including physical fitness, meditation, and a consistent routine.
  • 💔 The acceptance of change and growth, understanding that compatibility and personal evolution may lead to the end of certain relationships.
  • 🌐 The impact of one's beliefs and thoughts on their reality, and the importance of being conscious of what is consumed and absorbed.
  • 💌 The value of expressing love and positivity, even in small interactions, to improve one's own life and the lives of others.

Q & A

  • How did the YouTuber describe their emotional state at the beginning of the video?

    -The YouTuber described feeling nervous, awkward, and like they were making a confession video, indicating a high level of vulnerability and emotional intensity.

  • Why did the YouTuber disable their Instagram?

    -The YouTuber disabled their Instagram because they realized they were overly concerned with how others perceived them and were curating their Instagram to project a certain image, which they recognized as unhealthy.

  • What was the catalyst for the YouTuber's shift in focus from YouTube to their clothing line?

    -The catalyst was the YouTuber's realization that they were seeking external validation and focusing too much on social media opinions, leading them to explore their clothing line as a way to redirect their energy and focus.

  • How did the YouTuber's heartbreak influence their life and content creation?

    -The heartbreak led to a period of introspection and personal growth, which in turn influenced their content to become more focused on self-care, personal development, and aesthetic interests.

  • What was the significance of the number '222' in the YouTuber's experience?

    -The number '222' held significance as a potential angel number, symbolizing balance and the union of masculine and feminine principles. It appeared in their life at a pivotal moment, reinforcing their belief in the importance of self-reflection and personal growth.

  • How did the YouTuber's move from LA to New York impact their subscriber count?

    -The move to New York coincided with a significant increase in their subscriber count, growing from 1.8 million to 3 million within a year, suggesting that the change in environment and content focus had a positive impact on their channel's growth.

  • What personal changes did the YouTuber make after their heartbreak and move?

    -After the heartbreak and move, the YouTuber began practicing celibacy, journaling, reading books, learning about spirituality, affirmations, crystals, and meditation. They also started focusing on self-care, including going to the gym, maintaining a regular sleep schedule, and spending time outdoors.

  • What advice does the YouTuber give to their audience regarding self-discovery and personal growth?

    -The YouTuber advises their audience to write down their thoughts and ideas, engage in self-reflection, and be less influenced by external sources. They encourage finding joy in the little things in life and being true to oneself rather than constantly seeking external validation.

  • How did the YouTuber's content evolve after their personal transformations?

    -The YouTuber's content evolved to reflect a greater focus on self-care, personal development, and aesthetic interests. They began creating content that aligned more with their newfound passions and personal style, leading to a shift in their content's tone and subject matter.

  • What impact did journaling have on the YouTuber's life?

    -Journaling had a profound impact on the YouTuber's life, helping them process emotions, gain clarity, and track their personal growth. It allowed them to reflect on their experiences, understand their feelings, and make decisions that aligned with their personal values and desires.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Personal Reflection and YouTube Hiatus

The speaker begins by sharing their personal struggle with a recent four-month period of life changes and heartbreak. They candidly discuss their decision to take a break from YouTube after a decade of consistent posting, highlighting their feelings of anxiety and fear about how their content might be received. The speaker also talks about their shift in focus from social media to their personal projects, such as their clothing line, and how this change has led to a newfound sense of self and freedom from external validation.

05:01

🎭 The Impact of Social Media on Self-Perception

The speaker delves deeper into the influence of social media on their self-image and the pressure to curate a perfect online presence. They recount the moment of realization that they were excessively concerned with how others perceived them, leading to the deactivation of their Instagram account. The speaker then discusses the liberating effect of stepping back from social media and the importance of focusing on personal growth and authenticity rather than seeking external validation.

10:03

🌆 The Journey from LA to Self-Discovery

The speaker shares their experiences of moving frequently, from LA to different cities, and the pattern of seeking external changes to find happiness. They discuss a pivotal conversation with their therapist that led to the decision to stay put and confront their internal issues. The speaker reflects on their past impulsiveness and the newfound calm and self-awareness that came with taking a step back from social media and focusing on their personal projects.

15:06

💔 Heartbreak and its Role in Personal Growth

The speaker narrates a specific instance of heartbreak and its profound impact on their life. They describe how the emotional turmoil led to a period of introspection and self-discovery. The speaker also talks about the synchronicities they experienced, such as the angel number 222 and its significance in their life, as well as the transformative power of journaling and reflecting on past experiences.

20:08

🌱 Embracing Change and Finding Inner Peace

The speaker discusses the transformative journey they underwent after a heartbreak, leading to a deeper understanding of themselves and their values. They share how they learned to embrace change and find inner peace through self-care practices like journaling, reading, and meditation. The speaker also talks about the shift in their content creation after moving to New York and the realization that happiness can be found in the simplicity of daily routines and self-love.

25:10

🌿 Minimalism and Cultivating Personal Style

The speaker explores their journey towards minimalism and the development of a personal style that truly reflects their identity. They discuss the process of decluttering their life and the insights gained from curating a living space with intention. The speaker emphasizes the importance of making decisions based on personal preference rather than external influences and the joy found in the simplicity and authenticity of their new lifestyle.

30:10

💭 The Power of Self-Expression and Introspection

The speaker encourages the audience to engage in self-expression and introspection as a means of personal growth and self-discovery. They share their own experiences with journaling and how it has positively impacted their life. The speaker advocates for the act of writing down thoughts and ideas, regardless of their perceived value, as a way to gain clarity, validate one's self, and foster creativity. They conclude with a message of self-love and the importance of being kind to oneself.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Self-reflection

Self-reflection refers to the process of examining one's own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In the video, the creator engages in deep self-reflection, particularly regarding her social media presence and personal growth. This introspection leads her to make significant changes in her life, such as disabling her Instagram and focusing on her personal development rather than external validation.

💡Personal Growth

Personal growth involves self-improvement and the development of one's character, values, and skills. Throughout the video, the creator discusses her journey of personal growth, which includes moving to New York, starting a clothing line, and learning to be content with a more minimalist lifestyle. She emphasizes the importance of self-care, meditation, and finding joy in the simple things in life.

💡Social Media Influence

Social media influence refers to the impact that social media platforms have on an individual's thoughts, behaviors, and self-perception. In the video, the creator discusses how her social media presence, particularly on Instagram and YouTube, has shaped her identity and influenced her actions. She also explores the negative aspects of constantly seeking external validation through likes and followers.

💡Heartbreak

Heartbreak is a deep emotional pain caused by the end of a romantic relationship or the loss of a loved one. In the context of the video, the creator shares her experience of heartbreak and how it has been a catalyst for significant changes in her life. She uses this experience to grow and learn more about herself.

💡Content Creation

Content creation involves the production of various forms of content, such as videos, blogs, or social media posts, to engage an audience. The creator discusses her experiences as a full-time YouTuber and the pressures and challenges associated with consistently producing content. She also talks about the shift in her content style after moving to New York and finding new sources of inspiration.

💡Minimalism

Minimalism is a lifestyle and design philosophy that emphasizes simplicity and the reduction of unnecessary elements. In the video, the creator talks about adopting a minimalist approach to her living space and wardrobe, which reflects her desire for a more intentional and meaningful life. This shift towards minimalism is part of her broader journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

💡Self-Care

Self-care refers to the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health. In the video, the creator emphasizes the importance of self-care in her life, including activities like going to the gym, reading books, and meditating. She sees these practices as essential for maintaining her mental and emotional well-being.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity is the quality of being genuine, true to oneself, and not pretending to be anything different from who one really is. In the video, the creator discusses her journey towards living more authentically by embracing her true self and interests, rather than being influenced by external factors like social media trends or other people's opinions.

💡Validation

Validation is the process of confirming, accepting, or recognizing the validity or authenticity of something or someone. In the context of the video, the creator talks about her previous need for external validation through social media likes and followers, and her realization that true validation should come from within.

💡Aesthetic

Aesthetic refers to the appreciation of beauty or good taste, often associated with an artistic or design perspective. In the video, the creator discusses her shift in aesthetic preferences, particularly in her home decor and personal style, as part of her personal growth and exploration of her own tastes and interests.

Highlights

The speaker discusses their experience of taking a break from social media and the impact it had on their mental health and self-perception.

They share an intimate story of heartbreak and how it led to a journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

The importance of journaling is emphasized, as it allowed the speaker to reflect on their thoughts and emotions, leading to a better understanding of themselves.

The speaker talks about their move from LA to New York and how it significantly impacted their YouTube career, leading to exponential growth in subscribers.

A shift in content creation is mentioned, where the speaker began focusing more on aesthetics, self-care, and personal interests, reflecting a change in their online presence.

The concept of minimalism is explored, as the speaker describes how they got rid of unnecessary possessions and focused on what truly brought them joy.

The speaker shares a vision they had about their ideal living space, which influenced their decisions and led to a more authentic and curated lifestyle.

The impact of external influences, such as social media and societal trends, on personal beliefs and self-image is discussed, highlighting the importance of self-reflection and critical thinking.

The speaker encourages the audience to write down their thoughts and ideas, emphasizing the transformative power of putting pen to paper.

A call to action is made for the audience to be more intentional with their social media consumption and to curate their online experience to better reflect their true selves.

The speaker reflects on their journey of healing and self-improvement, sharing how they found happiness in the simple things and learned to appreciate the present moment.

The importance of being true to oneself and not being swayed by external validation is stressed, as the speaker shares their personal experiences and lessons learned.

The speaker talks about the transformative power of spring and how it can be a time for renewal and personal growth, encouraging the audience to embrace change.

The value of self-expression and creativity is highlighted, as the speaker shares their desire to make content that resonates with their audience and brings them joy.

The speaker concludes with a message of love and positivity, urging the audience to leave a positive impact on others and to strive for personal authenticity.

Transcripts

00:02

I don't even know I feel like I'm doing

00:03

a confession video right now if you want

00:05

to know this heartbreak and how bad this

00:06

was these past 4 months have been

00:08

life-changing if you're not trying to be

00:09

trauma dumped on right now maybe I do

00:12

run away from all my problems why do I

00:13

care so much about what people think of

00:15

me disabled my Instagram right then and

00:17

there my whole entire life has been

00:18

YouTube didn't realize how much I like

00:20

liked this boy okay is this video about

00:24

to be called like reading out my love

00:28

letters we're

00:31

back I always love opening up these tea

00:33

packets cuz on the back there's a little

00:35

quote and it's like o what am I going to

00:37

get today it says you are the master of

00:39

your judgments your decisions and your

00:41

actions that's so crazy that out of all

00:43

the ones I pulled this is the one that I

00:45

pulled today it's been a month since I

00:47

posted on YouTube and the reason why is

00:49

we're going to get into it today so I

00:51

actually don't know where to start I'm

00:53

going to be so honest with you and I

00:55

feel like well I filmed this video Once

00:56

edited it all and then I realized Miss

00:58

girl was going on a ramble she was she

01:01

was

01:02

speaking and it all made sense in my

01:05

head and then I watched it back and I

01:07

was like babes what happened to story

01:08

structure here like what was

01:21

that okay we're here now filming it

01:24

again and yeah I need to be honest with

01:26

you I don't know where this video is

01:27

going to

01:28

go okay uh

01:33

so there is so much that's going on in

01:35

my head that I have not talked about and

01:39

I

01:40

genuinely don't know what to say because

01:43

I don't know how everything's going to

01:44

connect together and I think that's what

01:46

I'm afraid of right now is that

01:47

nothing's going to connect together and

01:48

people are going to be like what the

01:49

[ __ ] was this video but I think that

01:49

like I can't even think about what I'm

01:51

trying to deliver to you right now or

01:52

how I'm trying to make this make sense

01:54

girl relax this isn't a [ __ ]

01:57

interview you know like that's how I

01:58

feel right now it's not that big of a

02:00

deal but to me it's a big deal because I

02:02

have not not posted on YouTube for a

02:05

month straight like I haven't like

02:07

stopped posting for this long in years I

02:10

I I don't take a month off of YouTube

02:12

and if you like don't believe me like

02:14

bro I've been doing YouTube full time

02:16

for like 6 years now I'm 21 it became my

02:18

full-time job when I was 15 and I have

02:21

been doing it for fun ever since I was

02:22

seven me being like you know what I'm

02:25

going to just stop posting and I'm going

02:27

to let myself come back whenever I feel

02:29

like coming back has never happened cuz

02:31

like YouTube is my life so it's like

02:33

when I take a step back it's like it

02:35

it are you ready to understand maybe a

02:38

little bit what I'm trying to talk about

02:39

okay I don't even know I feel like I'm

02:41

doing a [ __ ] confession video right

02:42

now you're going to learn a lot about me

02:44

today so if you're not trying to be

02:46

trauma dumped on right now like and

02:48

about like me don't watch this video

02:50

because this video is going to be a lot

02:51

of me because I think that if I try to

02:54

like say it in a way of like tell you

02:56

guys what I've learned this past month

02:57

it'll turn out like not I just should

02:59

just tell a story I'm like saying these

03:02

thoughts out loud as I'm realizing them

03:04

right now cuz I'm like so awkwardly

03:06

nervous I should just tell you guys a

03:08

story and if you guys connect with the

03:10

story then I hope you do and if you

03:12

don't I hope you're not offended or I

03:14

hope I didn't waste your time okay thank

03:16

you so much for watching I don't know

03:18

how long this video is going to be

03:22

okay I've just been really taking a step

03:26

back and like asking myself like where

03:28

the [ __ ] am I what am I doing like what

03:30

am I doing like what literally like

03:32

that's a question I I like looked at my

03:34

this was the Catalyst this was the

03:36

Catalyst ready for the story I forgot

03:38

about this to right now buckle up we

03:40

have a direction that we're headed into

03:41

right now so oh my God I remember the

03:45

first thought and how this all started

03:47

okay this was this this is it this is it

03:49

I was on my Instagram and at this point

03:51

I had like 400 300 pictures I don't know

03:53

like it's a regular [ __ ] Instagram I

03:55

had Instagram so when was this what day

03:57

is it April 1st I've been gone since

03:58

like what like February yeah February

04:00

was the last time I posted a video it's

04:02

now April but I remember maybe like

04:04

February 17th or something I hit a

04:06

million followers on Instagram so it's

04:08

like you know you're a little bit more

04:09

hyper fixated I just went to the NBA

04:11

All-Star things so I was posting again

04:13

you're a little bit more hyper fixated

04:15

on social media and like what my feed

04:16

looked like like the things that I was

04:18

posting oh my God I just had a million

04:21

and then what happened was I noticed

04:24

myself going on my feed and like going

04:26

to Archive a post because I was like uh

04:28

does this look good like hm how can I

04:30

make this look better and I like

04:31

literally caught myself in the act and I

04:33

was

04:36

like

04:39

wait why do I care so much about what

04:42

people think of

04:45

me that's what I ask myself cuz I

04:48

realized I'm like me curating my

04:50

Instagram to look this certain way to

04:53

make me look cool that meant I gave a

04:55

[ __ ] about how people perceived me and I

04:57

really stopped and I asked myself for a

04:59

second wait wait wait wait wait wait

05:01

this is not healthy this isn't good the

05:03

fact that I'm like on my own Instagram

05:05

being like like should I delete this

05:07

like is H if I delete this like is this

05:09

going to look more or if I have this

05:10

photo

05:11

first

05:13

what it's really not that [ __ ]

05:15

serious it's really not that serious

05:17

girl what are you doing you know I I

05:20

literally disabled my Instagram right

05:22

then and there disabled [ __ ] gone just

05:24

deleted the [ __ ] Instagram disabled

05:26

you can come back but disabled just

05:27

delete y I think I just realized like I

05:30

was curating this life and it's like is

05:32

this even like what I like is this what

05:34

I want or am I doing this for other

05:36

people I I kind of like thought about

05:38

that when I looked at my Instagram I was

05:39

like am I trying to put something on for

05:41

other people to like perceive me a

05:42

certain type of way why am I creating

05:44

this version of myself like is this who

05:46

I actually am because every time I go to

05:48

think about whether or not I like this

05:50

picture whether or not I like the way I

05:51

look in this whether or not this outfit

05:53

is going to get like you know like which

05:55

which outfit is better to post it's like

05:57

every time I do that I'm thinking about

05:58

everybody else and everybody else's

06:00

opinions and what's trending what's not

06:02

trending what's cool what's embarrassing

06:04

do people like this do people like that

06:06

like what kind of story

06:10

what I bet you a lot of y'all watching

06:12

this video haven't [ __ ] posted in

06:13

Instagram in how long so long right yeah

06:16

girl I know why because you're [ __ ]

06:18

scared I would be too it's a Scary World

06:20

out there you don't know it feels like

06:22

such a big identity thing oh my God

06:25

started with my Instagram and then I

06:27

don't know I just I started working on

06:29

alchemi a lot as well so then I just

06:31

started becoming a little bit busier so

06:33

it was just harder for me to get videos

06:34

out and then a week went by and I was

06:37

like oh no Instagram no YouTube and then

06:41

like another couple days went by and I

06:42

was like should I just and then I just

06:45

naturally started getting busy and I put

06:47

my attention into something else for the

06:48

first time ever and it wasn't YouTube

06:50

which was interesting because my whole

06:52

entire life has been YouTube that has

06:54

been my job that has been my hobby that

06:56

has been my life is being a YouTuber and

06:58

making YouTube videos and I've never

07:01

been passionate about anything other

07:03

than YouTube and videos that's the only

07:06

thing I've like I've been passionate

07:07

about other things obviously like I've

07:09

had other hobbies and stuff but I've

07:10

never felt a drive like I felt from

07:12

doing YouTube videos and I've been doing

07:14

that for so so so long now and so I've

07:16

never taken a step back from social

07:18

media and never taken a step back from

07:20

Instagram and Tik Tok and I've never

07:22

taken a step back before because like

07:24

that's the only thing I like had to

07:26

focus on but then I started working on

07:28

my clothing line and and I just never

07:31

really put that much energy into it

07:32

before like to me alchemi was just like

07:34

I just really liked the product so then

07:36

I started to sell it and then I just had

07:38

to think about a design every couple

07:41

months make it and then that was it like

07:43

I didn't put too much thought into it it

07:45

just started out because I wanted to

07:46

make something and I liked the thing

07:48

that I was making and then I just

07:49

dropped it here and there right so when

07:51

I took the attention off of YouTube and

07:53

I started putting it into that I like

07:54

genuinely just stopped thinking about

07:57

what the [ __ ] people thought about me

07:59

because

07:59

wait you want to know why cuz then I

08:01

realized oh my God it is not normal to

08:05

have everybody's opinion on you 24/7 and

08:08

I and I'm sure you relate to this as

08:09

well this is like your family around you

08:11

your friends around you the people that

08:12

you see every single day those people

08:14

are influencing you and me I I wasn't

08:17

really seeing that many people you know

08:19

like I I wasn't hanging out with a lot

08:20

of people this past month so it was

08:22

mostly just me and my thoughts and you

08:24

know obviously sometimes here and there

08:25

I'm hanging out with people but like I'm

08:26

not cons I wasn't consistently

08:28

surrounding myself with anything thing

08:30

and I wasn't I wasn't hearing other

08:32

people for this past month basically

08:34

like I I was just alone in my head and

08:36

with my clothing line and if I made a

08:38

design with my clothing line why am I

08:40

saying my clothing line I can't just say

08:41

alchemi I don't know I just like say my

08:43

clothing line cuz I feel like you guys

08:44

don't know what alchemi is cuz I'm like

08:46

wait what who else would be the

08:47

demographic buying alchemi it' be you

08:49

guys like that's why I'm like girl why

08:51

you saying your clothing line and I've

08:52

been like making the designs and stuff

08:54

but the thing is like doing other things

08:55

like this it's like you don't have to

08:57

[ __ ] post it that same day that same

08:59

week and have thousands of people judge

09:01

your work and your creativity and your

09:03

you know what I mean and that's

09:04

literally what social media is like it's

09:06

like you make a YouTube video you make a

09:07

story you make a short whatever the [ __ ]

09:09

you talk to people in real life you're

09:10

dressed a certain way you go to school

09:13

wearing a whole new outfit you go to

09:14

work with your hair different it's like

09:16

oh my God immediately you have judgment

09:18

right in front of your eyes right and I

09:20

feel like I just deprived myself of that

09:21

for the past month and what the [ __ ]

09:23

like it's been the most insane month

09:25

ever like I feel more myself than I ever

09:27

have before and we're going to get into

09:29

we're going to get into that but yeah I

09:32

just have been able to create and do

09:34

things and do whatever the [ __ ] I want

09:36

to do for the past month without the

09:37

opinions of others and I've just been

09:39

really been able

09:40

to sit with

09:43

myself and figure out where I'm I'm

09:45

going with this I have always been

09:48

somebody that just loves new and and

09:51

different things and I've always been

09:53

like a very impulsive person and I feel

09:55

like that's been the backbone of my

09:56

YouTube channel but I feel like I've

09:57

calmed down a lot in the past like year

09:59

or two and you know I moved a bunch when

10:02

I was younger when I was 15 I moved out

10:04

and by the time I was 18 living in La I

10:06

think I moved to six different houses in

10:08

three different cities like it was a lot

10:10

and when I got to La I was noticing

10:12

myself being like I want to move to New

10:13

York like I want to move to New York and

10:14

then I literally went to like my

10:15

therapist office and she was like girl

10:16

like don't you see a pattern like don't

10:18

you see a cycle well she didn't say that

10:20

but like this [ __ ] incense smoke [ __ ]

10:25

my throat is dry right now I sound like

10:28

I smoke 50 [ __ ] packs a day e why am

10:30

I so vulgar 50 [ __ ] packs a day can I

10:34

get some water one sec I'll come

10:37

back okay okay okay this incense smoke

10:41

is crazy right now so yeah I'm in my

10:43

therapist office she's like girl like

10:44

there's a cycle going on and then I

10:46

realize oh [ __ ] you're right like maybe

10:48

I do run away from all my problems and

10:49

maybe I do seek external validation and

10:52

I seek stuff outside of me to fulfill me

10:54

and I think that that is going to make

10:56

me happier and I think that oh my God if

10:58

I moved here then I would have this

10:59

friend group and I would do this with my

11:01

life and I would have these hobbies and

11:02

if I just had this and if I just had

11:04

that I would just be a little bit more

11:06

happy and so that's why I moved every 6

11:08

months because I would get to where I

11:09

wanted to be and then I'd be like all

11:11

right on to the next on to the next and

11:13

on to the next and I was like oh

11:16

[ __ ] um I don't think it's the city

11:19

problem I think it's a you problem and I

11:21

was

11:22

like caught your ass you're right so

11:25

then what did I do I was like you know

11:27

what Ma you are going to be a big girl

11:29

girl you're going to discipline yourself

11:31

and you're going to say you are not

11:34

allowed to move until you finish your

11:36

lease and I was like you know what yeah

11:38

you're right you're right let's let's be

11:39

responsible here okay so I just lived my

11:43

life I I lived my life and I uh was so

11:46

[ __ ] bored out of my mind because I

11:47

didn't really have friends and I didn't

11:49

really leave my house like I didn't

11:50

really leave past my like community and

11:53

I was like literally 17 years old at

11:55

this time you know so I have like so

11:56

much [ __ ] energy like at the end of

11:58

the day I'm still a [ __ ] teenager

11:59

like like I need something to do I was

12:00

like okay how can I make my life here in

12:02

La entertaining so I just started waking

12:05

up like I wish I was joking guys I

12:07

didn't know what the [ __ ] to do so I was

12:08

like let's just go go go mode so at this

12:10

time I was like going through a little

12:11

bit of heartbreak too and you know when

12:12

you go through a little bit of

12:13

heartbreak you're

12:14

like go time go time it's [ __ ] go

12:18

time granted also if you want to know

12:20

the impact that this had on my life and

12:22

the where the story is going this

12:24

heartbreak was the worst [ __ ]

12:25

heartbreak ever like I think let me let

12:27

me grab the journal

12:34

I promise you guys this story is going

12:36

somewhere please believe me

12:40

okay if you want to know this heartbreak

12:42

and how bad this was and how pivotal

12:44

this was for my life this was a book

12:48

called It's like literally faded to all

12:51

the boys I've ever given a [ __ ] about

12:53

and it like had his name here in pepp in

12:55

pen and I crossed out to all the like

12:57

boys I wrote to all the and I wrote his

13:00

name and like you can see this journal

13:02

is [ __ ] used

13:06

bro like there's so much in here and

13:10

it's a whole book and it's like

13:12

literally almost done and it

13:17

starts this book starts in New York City

13:20

because I was traveling to New York City

13:22

while I was living in LA in August 28th

13:25

2021 I said I have so much to write

13:28

about I don't even know where to start

13:30

first of all this is just the start of a

13:31

new Journal wow this is my first time

13:34

finishing a journal oh my gosh what no

13:37

way I guess my journaling this is what I

13:39

mean when I say guys like this point in

13:41

my life when I lived in La was like the

13:42

most pivotal point of my life because do

13:44

you see how many journals I've done

13:46

since 2021 like I I I wow like when I

13:51

explain to you where this story is going