SNL Weekend Update BRUTALLY MOCKS Trump Waving at Migrants & McConnell Stepping Down

CαΊ­u VΓ ng LΓ m Memes
3 Mar 202418:36

Summary

TLDRThis video script presents a comedic take on current events, featuring satirical commentary on political figures and societal issues. From President Biden's unexpected visit to the southern border alongside Trump, leading to humorous insights on immigration policies, to light-hearted jabs at public figures like Nick Cannon's Disneyland expenses and Mitch McConnell's political career. The script also touches on controversial topics with a mix of humor and sarcasm, such as racial issues in America, climate change priorities, and the dynamics of gender and politics. It cleverly wraps up with witty observations on cultural phenomena, ensuring viewers are entertained while reflecting on the absurdities of modern life.

Takeaways

  • πŸ˜‚ President Biden and Trump coincidentally visited the southern border on the same day, humorously described as the setup for an odd romantic comedy.
  • πŸ‘©β€βš•οΈ A new report indicates that the gender death gap is widening, with men dying an average of 6 years before women, humorously attributed to men dying a bit every time they listen to boring stories.
  • πŸ’Έ Nick Cannon spends up to $200,000 yearly taking his 12 children to Disneyland, humorously criticized as a commentary on the discomfort of condoms.
  • 🌎 President Biden expresses willingness to shut down the border if granted the power by Congress, showcased as an unexpected policy shift.
  • πŸ‘¨πŸ»β€πŸŽ“ The Biden campaign's efforts to appeal to Black voters amid declining support are humorously depicted, with a joke about only having support from Obama's white half.
  • 🚩 Mitch McConnell's decision to step down as the Republican leader in the Senate is humorously tied to his long political career and a fictional fiddle contest loss to the devil.
  • 🚢 New York Mayor Eric Adams's denial of illegal donations humorously described with a reference to a flying carpet.
  • 🌏 John Kerry stepping down as US climate envoy to focus on Biden's re-election campaign is humorously considered a sign of the campaign being a bigger emergency than climate change.
  • πŸ’ƒ A woman in Utah competing in the Mrs. World beauty pageant shortly after giving birth to her eighth child is humorously presented as unable to resist crowning experiences.
  • πŸ¦„ A humorous take on Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith blocking a bill on IVF in Mississippi, with a joke about conception difficulties and cousins.

Q & A

  • What was the key event mentioned in the script that both President Biden and Donald Trump coincidentally attended?

    -According to the script, both President Biden and Donald Trump coincidentally visited the southern border on the same day, which is described as 'the setup for the weirdest romcom of all time.'

  • What significant statistic was mentioned regarding the gender death gap?

    -The script mentions that a new report shows the gender death gap is rising, with men dying an average of 6 years before women.

  • What surprising revelation did Nick Cannon make about his expenses related to his children?

    -Nick Cannon revealed that he spends up to $200,000 every year taking all 12 of his children to Disneyland.

  • What drastic policy change did President Biden reportedly consider regarding immigration?

    -According to the script, President Biden made a drastic change in his immigration policy, saying he would be willing to shut down the border if given the power by Congress.

  • What controversial statement did Nikki Haley make on Fox News regarding racism in America?

    -In an interview on Fox News, Nikki Haley said that America has 'never been a racist country' because if Americans were so racist, 'why do they have sex with their slaves?'

  • What announcement did Disney make regarding the Frozen franchise?

    -Disney announced that they'll be making two more sequels to Frozen, but the script jokes that by the time they come out, 'the only thing Frozen will be Elsa's eggs.'

  • What significant announcement did Mitch McConnell make regarding his role in the Senate?

    -Mitch McConnell announced that he will step down as the Republican leader in the Senate after almost 20 years in that position.

  • What allegation did New York mayor Eric Adams respond to regarding donations from Turkey?

    -Eric Adams responded to allegations that he accepted illegal donations from Turkey, saying he has 'not been accused of wrongdoing and I will continue to cooperate.'

  • What medical incident involving Mitch McConnell was mentioned in the script?

    -The script mentions that Mitch McConnell appeared to freeze up and become unresponsive on two occasions but claims to have recovered, although 'suspiciously he made the comments while being held up by two guys in beachwear.'

  • What controversial image did Donald Trump post involving Nikki Haley?

    -Donald Trump posted an image of Nikki Haley made up to look like Hillary Clinton, and the script comments that it 'couldn't tell if it was bad Photoshop or a good picture of Mark Cubin in a wig.'

Outlines

00:00

🀣 Border Crisis, Gender Gap, and Controversial Remarks

This paragraph covers several current events and controversial topics. It highlights President Biden's visit to the southern border, where he witnessed the influx of migrants, criminals, and rapists. It also mentions President Trump coincidentally visiting the border on the same day. The paragraph then shifts to discussing the rising gender death gap, with men dying an average of 6 years earlier than women. It also includes Nick Cannon's revelation about spending $200,000 annually to take his 12 children to Disneyland. The paragraph touches on Biden's potential change in immigration policy, his campaign's efforts to appeal to Black voters, and Nikki Haley's controversial statement about America never being a racist country.

05:02

πŸ—£οΈ Political Transitions and Retirement Plans

This paragraph focuses on various political figures and their retirement or transition plans. It discusses John Kerry stepping down as the US climate envoy to focus on President Biden's re-election campaign. It also mentions Mitch McConnell's announcement of stepping down as the Republican leader in the Senate after almost 20 years in the role. The paragraph touches on allegations against New York mayor Eric Adams regarding illegal donations from Turkey. Additionally, it covers Mitch McConnell's stance on threats from Donald Trump regarding his Senate leadership position, portraying McConnell in humorous and satirical scenarios.

10:03

🌍 Global Issues and Societal Trends

This paragraph covers a range of global issues and societal trends. It discusses President Biden's campaign fundraising efforts and his narrow avoidance of tripping on Air Force One. It also mentions a woman in Utah competing in a beauty pageant shortly after giving birth to her eighth child. The paragraph touches on topics like surrogate motherhood, Nikki Haley's potential presidential campaign, and Donald Trump's sale of limited edition gold sneakers. It also covers President Biden's call for an assault weapon ban in the wake of the Nashville shooting, as well as his annual physical at Walter Reed Medical Center. Additionally, it mentions issues faced by Tesla owners during sub-zero temperatures and a man trapped in an airplane bathroom. The paragraph also includes references to Mitt Romney's stance on voting for Donald Trump over Joe Biden and a study on the impact of screens on children's emotional control.

15:28

πŸ—½ Miscellaneous Events and Trends

This paragraph is a collection of miscellaneous events and trends. It covers a new trend among parents choosing baby names that sound like TikTok handles, the death of the beloved owl Flo from the Central Park Zoo, and an apology from Michigan State after an image of Adolf Hitler appeared on a stadium video board. It also mentions Southwest Airlines introducing a new feature to track bags, a separate St. Patrick's Day parade on Staten Island welcoming LGBTQ groups, and a report on the future global population. Additionally, the paragraph includes viral photos, such as a 98-year-old woman meeting her great-great-great-grandchild and KFC's introduction of a fried chicken and pizza combo. It also touches on a study finding New York City rats carrying COVID-19, a woman convicted of throwing a burrito bowl at a Chipotle worker, and a British woman blaming her actions on feeling menopausal.

Mindmap

Keywords

πŸ’‘Border Crisis

The ongoing issue of large numbers of migrants and asylum seekers arriving at the US-Mexico border, often in desperate circumstances fleeing violence or poverty. The script mentions President Biden visiting the southern border and being 'horrified' to find it 'swarmed by criminals and rapists', likely referencing Republican rhetoric about undocumented immigrants. It also mentions Biden considering shutting down the border if given power by Congress.

πŸ’‘Gender Gap

The differences between men and women in areas such as income, education, health and life expectancy. The script cites a report showing the 'gender death gap is rising' with men dying 6 years earlier than women on average. This statistic is then played for laughs by saying it's 'scientific proof' that men are 'dying a little every time we have to listen to your boring ass stor[ies]'.

πŸ’‘Nick Cannon

An American rapper, actor and comedian who has fathered 12 children with multiple partners. The script pokes fun at Cannon spending '$200,000 every year taking all 12 of his children to Disneyland', implying excessive spending due to his extraordinarily large family.

πŸ’‘Immigration Policy

Governmental rules and regulations around immigration into a country. The script mentions Biden making a 'drastic change' by being 'willing to shut down the border' with Congressional approval, contrasting his previous stance. This highlights the politically charged nature of immigration debates.

πŸ’‘Racial Issues

Topics and discussions around race relations, discrimination and inequality faced by racial minorities. The script touches on this through comments like Trump's supposed messaging to migrants, Biden's campaign trying to appeal to Black voters amid declining support, and presidential candidate Nikki Haley's controversial remarks about America never being 'a racist country'.

πŸ’‘Political Rivalries

The tense relationships and power struggles between opposing political figures and parties. The script portrays this through mentions of conflicts between Biden and Trump, McConnell leaving his Republican leadership role partly due to his rift with Trump, and Trump threatening McConnell's Senate position. Their supposed border visit on the same day is called 'the weirdest romcom setup'.

πŸ’‘Physical Aging

The physiological effects and signs of growing older. The script pokes fun at Biden's age through references to him forgetting things like his ATM code, nearly falling on Air Force One stairs, and doctor concerns about him 'planning too far ahead'. McConnell's aging is also mocked through depictions of his frailty.

πŸ’‘Social Controversies

Issues and events that spark widespread public debate and backlash around sensitive societal topics. Examples in the script include the Pope calling for a ban on surrogacy, Disney making more 'Frozen' sequels long after the characters would be elderly, Beyonce's appearance being criticized as 'too white', and a school using an image of Hitler.

πŸ’‘Political Satire

The use of humor, irony and exaggeration to mock and critique politicians, public figures and current events. The entire script is written as a satirical comedic monologue, poking fun at various political personalities, their policies, and controversial issues through jokes and hyperbolic scenarios.

πŸ’‘Inappropriate Humor

Jokes or comedic styles that cross lines of good taste by making light of sensitive subjects like race, gender, disabilities and tragedy. The script employs this brand of edgy, offensive humor frequently, such as mocking the Special Olympics, laughing at a blind woman's misfortune, and joking about slavery's sexual exploitation.

Highlights

President Biden visited the southern border on Thursday and was horrified to discover it is being swarmed by criminals and rapists.

A new report shows that the gender death Gap is rising with men dying an average of 6 years before women which is, yeah it's actually scientific proof that men are actually dying a little every time we have to listen to your boring ass stories.

Nick Cannon revealed that he spends up to $200,000 every year taking all 12 of his children to Disneyland that's how bad condoms feel.

President Biden made a drastic change in his immigration policy saying he would be willing to shut down the Border if giving the power by Congress.

The Biden campaign is trying to appeal to Black voters as polls show their support for Biden has declined, it's getting so bad he now only has support from Obama's White half.

John krey announced that he is stepping down as the US climate invoy, and is expected to focus on President Biden's re-election campaign and it's not a great sign that Biden's campaign is a bigger emergency than climate change.

In an interview on Fox News, presidential candidate Nikki Haley said, that America has quote never been a racist country because if Americans were so racist why do they have sex with their slaves.

Disney announced that they'll be making two more sequels to Frozen but by the time they come out the only thing Frozen will be Elsa's eggs.

Mitch McConnell announced that he will step down as the Republican leader in the Senate, McConnell has been leader for almost 20 years but he first got involved in politics back in 1968 when he lost a fiddle contest to the devil.

Many are saying he is leaving because of his bad relationship with Donald Trump but come on just because you hate somebody does it mean you can't still have a very successful working relationship with them, I almost feel like that was about me.

Mitch McConnell seen here watching someone get injured at the Special Olympics said that he is not concerned with threats Donald Trump makes at his rally to remove him as Senate minority leader in fact McConnell says the threats make him laugh harder than his favorite comedy show.

Mitch McConnell seen here watching the bank foreclose on a single mother, says that he has completely recovered after two incidents where he appeared to freeze up and become unresponsive but suspiciously he made the comments while being held up by two guys in Beachwear.

It was reported that President Biden's campaign ended its January fundraising with 56 million in the bank, now if he can only remember his ATM code while boarding Air Force One this week Biden narrowly avoided tripping and falling on the stairs again and in instead did a forward roll before inviting everyone inside the Chocolate Factory.

A woman in Utah who gave birth to her eighth child just two weeks ago is competing in the Mrs World beauty pageant I guess she just can't get enough crowning.

Republican senator Cindy hymith blocked a bill that would protect access to invitro fertilization because as they say in Mississippi if you're having trouble conceiving just try with a different cousin.

Transcripts

00:00

Michael

00:02

Chay I'm Colin

00:04

Joe President Biden visited the southern

00:07

border on Thursday and was horrified to

00:10

discover it is being swarmed by

00:12

criminals and

00:15

rapists that's right both Biden and

00:18

Trump coincidentally visited the border

00:21

on the same day which sounds like the

00:23

setup for the weirdest romcom of all

00:26

time a new report shows that the gender

00:29

death Gap is rising with men dying an

00:32

average of 6 years before women which is

00:37

yeah it's actually scientific proof that

00:40

men are actually dying a little every

00:42

time we have to listen to your boring

00:44

ass

00:46

[Applause]

00:50

stor Nick Cannon

00:54

revealed that he spends up to

00:57

$200,000 every year taking all 12 of his

00:59

children to Disneyland that's how bad

01:02

condoms

01:07

feel my my favorite part of the visit

01:09

was when Trump who looks good Behind

01:11

Bars by the

01:13

way finally came face to face with his

01:16

sworn enemies the migrants and he had a

01:18

pretty harsh message for them take a

01:25

look they like Trump could you

01:28

believe hey

01:30

President Biden made a drastic change in

01:32

his immigration policy saying he would

01:35

be willing to shut down the Border if

01:36

giving the power by Congress is the kind

01:39

of unexpected shift in Direction Biden

01:41

usually only makes in the middle of a

01:44

sentence the Biden campaign is trying to

01:46

appeal to Black voters as polls show

01:48

their support for Biden has declined

01:50

it's getting so bad he now only has

01:53

support from Obama's White

01:58

half

02:02

they like Trump could you believe

02:04

it no I can't believe it the migrants

02:08

don't like you they just walked a

02:10

thousand miles to get to edge of this

02:12

River and they're probably thinking is

02:14

that weirdo in a trump costume waving us

02:16

into the

02:17

country John krey announced that he is

02:20

stepping down as the US climate invoy

02:22

and is expected to focus on President

02:24

Biden's re-election campaign and it's

02:26

not a great sign that Biden's campaign

02:28

is a bigger emergency than climate

02:30

change in an interview on Fox News

02:33

presidential candidate Nikki Haley said

02:35

that America has quote never been a

02:37

racist country because if Americans were

02:39

so racist why do they have sex with

02:41

their

02:44

slaves that was in confidence Disney

02:47

Disney announced that they'll be making

02:49

two more sequels to Frozen but by the

02:52

time they come out the only thing Frozen

02:54

will be Elsa's

02:58

eggs

03:00

she wants a

03:03

career

03:05

what Mitch McConnell seen here catching

03:07

up on news from the Middle

03:09

East announced that he

03:12

will announced that he will step down as

03:15

the Republican leader in the Senate

03:17

McConnell has been leader for almost 20

03:19

years but he first got involved in

03:21

politics back in 1968 when he lost a

03:23

fiddle contest to the

03:27

devil he going to win yeah

03:31

New York mayor Eric Adams responded to

03:33

allegations that he accepted illegal

03:35

donations from Turkey saying I have not

03:37

been accused of wrongdoing and I will

03:39

continue to cooperate then he put on his

03:41

Fez and sped away on a flying

03:46

carpet many are saying he is leaving

03:49

because of his bad relationship with

03:51

Donald Trump but come on just because

03:53

you hate somebody does it mean you can't

03:55

still have a very successful working

03:57

relationship with them

04:08

I almost feel like that was about

04:12

me Senator Mitch McConnell seen here

04:15

watching someone get injured at the

04:16

Special

04:17

[Applause]

04:25

Olympics said that he is not concerned

04:27

with threats Donald Trump makes at his

04:29

rally to remove him as Senate minority

04:31

leader in fact McConnell says the

04:33

threats make him laugh harder than his

04:34

favorite comedy show

04:38

dmer Mitch

04:40

McConnell Mitch McConnell seen here

04:43

walking out of a theater after watching

04:45

12 Years a

04:50

Slave Mitch Mitch McConnell seen here

04:53

watching the bank foreclose on a single

04:58

mother

05:01

says says that he has completely

05:04

recovered after two incidents where he

05:06

appeared to freeze up and become

05:07

unresponsive but suspicious he

05:10

spe but suspiciously he made the

05:13

comments while being held up by two guys

05:15

in

05:19

Beachwear announc announced he will step

05:22

down in November he'll be replaced by

05:24

the current number two Republican in the

05:26

Senate a frozen embryo holding an

05:28

assault rifle

05:32

Mitch McConnell seen here after

05:34

rearranging a blind woman's

05:39

Furniture it was reported that President

05:41

Biden's campaign ended its January

05:43

fundraising with 56 million in the bank

05:47

now if he can only remember his ATM

05:52

code while boarding Air Force One this

05:55

week Biden narrowly avoided tripping and

05:57

falling on the stairs again and in

05:59

instead did a forward roll before

06:01

inviting everyone inside the Chocolate

06:06

Factory G gave a moving speech on the

06:10

senate floor announcing his retirement

06:12

which Honestly made me start to admire

06:14

Mitch McConnell seen here watching a

06:16

single mother sell her blood for diaper

06:22

money a woman in Utah who gave birth to

06:26

her eighth child just two weeks ago is

06:28

competing in the Mrs World beauty

06:30

pageant I guess she just can't get

06:32

enough

06:43

crowning Miss Mississippi Republican

06:46

senator Cindy hymith blocked a bill that

06:49

would protect access to invitro

06:51

fertilization because as they say in

06:53

Mississippi if you're having trouble

06:55

conceiving just try with a different

06:58

cousin

07:00

Donald Trump posted an image of Nikki

07:02

Haley made up to look like Hillary

07:04

Clinton and honestly I couldn't tell if

07:07

it was bad Photoshop or a good picture

07:09

of Mark cubin in a

07:13

wig Pope Francis called for a ban on

07:16

surrogate motherhood which he says

07:18

violates the Dignity of the woman and

07:20

the child plus the Catholic Church

07:22

doesn't want extra kids around while

07:23

they're trying to

07:27

quit after Nikki Haley's poror showing

07:29

in Michigan pressure is mounting for her

07:32

to drop out of the race but mostly

07:33

because the dishes are piling up at

07:39

home Donald Trump announced he is

07:42

selling limited edition gold sneakers

07:44

for $400 you can check them out on the

07:46

feed of the guy getting dragged off your

07:51

flight and the waake in the wake of the

07:54

Nashville shooting President Biden once

07:56

again called on Congress to pass an

07:58

assault weapon ban or hear me out

08:01

stoping Frisk for

08:03

whites how long before these kids earn a

08:13

stereotype thank you thank you thank you

08:16

President Biden went to Walter Reed

08:18

Medical Center for his annual physical

08:20

doctors said Biden was fit as a fiddle

08:23

in that he's old timey and held together

08:26

by

08:28

strings Tesla owners are complaining

08:30

that during the Sub-Zero temperatures

08:32

that swept through the country they

08:34

couldn't get their cars to charge but on

08:36

the plus side they were able to stay

08:38

warm in the battery

08:42

fires a man on a plane in India who was

08:45

trapped in the bathroom for the whole

08:47

flight says the crew slipped him a piece

08:49

of paper reading do not panic then he

08:51

slipped them a piece of paper back

08:53

reading more paper

08:58

please

09:02

a 25-year-old from Florida will become

09:04

the first gen Z member of Congress

09:07

younger said Matt

09:12

gates in an interview Senator Mitt

09:15

Romney said that he will not vote for

09:17

Donald Trump over Joe Biden now some of

09:19

you may remember Mitt

09:28

Romney a new studies found that using

09:30

screens to stop a child's Tantrums can

09:33

harm their ability to control their

09:35

emotions the study is titled Elon

09:42

Musk last month Beyonce posted a photo

09:46

on Instagram of herself in a chrome

09:47

Versace dress and platinum blonde hair

09:50

that many people online described as too

09:52

white in fact Beyonce looked so white

09:54

that I was finally attracted to

09:58

her

10:02

a new report shows that South Korea now

10:05

has the world's lowest birth rate

10:07

despite the efforts of South Korean

10:09

Entertainer Nick

10:16

canun Nick Nick yeah I know we got heard

10:22

you according to a new poll 57% of New

10:26

Yorkers agree with mayor Adams's claim

10:28

that the migrant crisis could definitely

10:32

destroy the city well I don't know in my

10:34

building the migrants fix

10:41

everything maybe you guys not living

10:44

around a new a new trend among parents

10:47

is to choose baby names that sound cool

10:50

as Tik Tock handles great news for

10:52

little baby trickshot Co

10:58

hoax Flo the Beloved owl that escaped

11:01

from the Central Park Zoo died last week

11:03

after he flew into a building Flo will

11:06

be remembered for his famous last words

11:08

oh cool another

11:12

owl Michigan State apologized after an

11:15

image of Adolf Hitler appeared on a

11:17

stadium video board at a football game

11:19

even more upsetting it was during the

11:21

kiss

11:26

cam Southwest Airlines is introduced a

11:29

new feature on its app that lets

11:30

passengers track their bags Southwest

11:33

why don't you tell us where your bag

11:36

is Staten Island

11:40

officials Staten Island officials are

11:42

holding a separate St Patrick's Day

11:44

Parade that will welcome lgbtq groups

11:47

who are banned from the official parade

11:49

cuz sadly on Staten Island lgbtq stands

11:52

for let's go bully the

11:56

queers I know that's a that's a that's

11:58

not what it should stand

12:02

for I feel

12:05

attached according to a new report by

12:08

2035 more than half of the world's

12:10

population will be just how I like him a

12:14

photo a photo has gone

12:17

viral of a 98-year-old woman in Kentucky

12:21

meeting her first great great great

12:24

grandchild well I wish I had gotten to

12:26

meet my great great great grandmother so

12:28

I could have told her don't get on that

12:31

boat KFC has introduced a new item

12:34

that's a combo of fried chicken and

12:36

Pizza called cheet though they warn it

12:38

could also cause a combo reaction called

12:42

vomaria a new study claims fremon

12:45

California is the happiest city in

12:47

America while the saddest city in

12:48

America is once again puppy grave

12:52

[Applause]

12:53

Indiana which incidentally is the

12:56

favorite vacation spot of Mitch

12:58

McConnell

13:00

Wednesday was International women's day

13:04

I said was next joke a new study

13:11

finds a new study finds that some New

13:14

York City rats carry the virus that

13:16

causes covid which is why I always order

13:19

mine well

13:22

done March is women's History Month

13:25

which

13:27

is

13:30

W which is always nice except for that

13:32

one week where it's a huge

13:40

remember when you cheered from the

13:44

beginning a woman in

13:47

Ohio convicted of throwing a burrito

13:50

bowl at a Chipotle worker has been

13:52

sentenced to spend 2 months working in

13:54

fast food restaurants fast food where

13:57

your job is other people people's

14:01

[Applause]

14:02

jail

14:05

Michael a British woman who was arrested

14:07

for keying several parked cars blamed

14:09

her actions on quote feeling

14:12

menopausal incidentally feeling menop

14:14

pule was also the working title of and

14:17

just like

14:23

that tomorrow is the New York City

14:25

marathon or as Fox News will report it

14:28

un documented Africans one wild in

14:30

streets of New

14:36

York Senator Mark Kelly defeated

14:39

Challenger Blake Masters in the Arizona

14:41

Senate race Masters can now return to

14:43

his true passion of I'm going to guess

14:45

strangling

14:49

hitchhikers President Biden said that he

14:51

plans to run again in 2024 but won't

14:54

make a final decision until early next

14:56

year because it's like his doctor told

14:58

him I wouldn't plan too far

15:27

ahead

16:27

for

17:57

is

18:27

some

18:34

for